needs some polish..
hmm..
i like where ur headin but this needs alot of stuff...
-the music at the end just cuts off...think about ending it better.
-maybe center the txt?
-try adding voice actign or sfx- take it to the next level
-i'd like to see a bit more frame by frame
i know the stories a bit cliche but thats ok..cliches are better anyways thats why we do em!